Thursday, July 24, 2008

Old age's cruelty

I ran into this online (if there is such a thing as running into something on the Internet). 

It broke my heart. It reminds me of my grandfather, Raul, who passed away in January. I went to visit him before he died. He thought I was my mom (his daughter-in-law. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing). My favorite was seeing him every morning reading some Scripture with a magnifying glass (because glasses are for old people). 

I wish I had Toledano's idea to document my grandpa's last days. I think it's a great idea. I think it's comforting for the family members of dementia victims to record their last days though photographs, videos, audio, diaries or even blogs.

This is the last picture I took of my abuelito. He hated pictures. He said he wasn't handsome anymore. I had to take it with no flash as I was walking by him. Very slick, huh? 

I think what scares me the most about old age is not being flabby, wrinkly or sickly, even though they all suck. What I fear the most is not being able to recognize my children. To live in the darkness of decade old memories and wake up not recognizing those that care for me. With my memory being as bad as it is now, I have a feeling that that's where i'm headed. 

I should start doing memory exercises.... but I always forget to. 


  1. It's kind of sad and endearing at the same time.

  2. I was just thinking on the train this morning how I hope that my mind outlives my body ... and I think about my parents (who are in their 60s!) and what they will be like in the next 10 - 20 years. It makes me glad that we are having a baby now, so that she can know them as soon as possible.

    But you know, not everyone loses their mind as they age. My grandmother lived into her 80's and was very sharp mentally, it was her body that failed her.

    My other grandma is now 80+ and also is sharp - she DOES do a lot of crossword puzzles, though! ; )